you said neither of us were ready for this

somehow we keep finding ourselves back to each other

although, we know we must let the other person go 

I don’t want to do that but– 

I wish I knew why I’m still holding onto you 

so tightly.  

‍

isn’t that terrifying?

beautifully so

loving someone this much means

there’s the potential to let go?

‍

all the lovers who get to hold each other under

the same roof for a night or two, they’re living 

the dream. of course, I’m jealous, I don’t 

know what it’s like to want someone. I wanted

you, now you’re gone and I’m still 

here without you to hold

‍

we are stuck in every single sunset I have to watch without you

I wish the last one we witnessed together wasn’t the

first goodbye of many 

you always felt like the culmination of everyone I’ve ever loved 

‍

I miss you and I wanted 

to remember us 

now I’m forgetting us 

underneath

all the layers of grief that 

keep holding my hand 

through the darkest days of the 

spring we never 

had the choice

to spend

together

‍

^{This poem was originally published on lovinajpaje.com and was awarded Winner of the People’s Choice Prize (Poetry) for 2022 National Campus Writing Competition, hosted by the Student Experience Network.}